Archive of BMW Motorrad Club Cape (2006 - 2019)

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?”
“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk.
“For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

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Who Does The  Land of Israel Belong To?

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.

A representative from Israel began: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses: When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good  opportunity to have a bath!’

Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.   

A Palestinian had stolen them!

The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, ‘What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren’t even there then.’

The Israeli representative smiled and said,   ‘And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech . . .’   

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PREGNANCY  Q & A

Q:  Should I have a baby after 35?
A:  No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby  move?  
A:  With any luck, right after he finishes university.   
 
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?  
A:  Childbirth.  

Q:  My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A:  So what’s your question?  

Q:  My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A:  Yes, in the same way that a cyclone might be called an air current..  

Q:  When is the best time to get an epidural?
A:  Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q:  Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A:  Not unless the word ‘child support payment’ means anything to you.

Q:  Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A:  Yes, pregnancy.

Q:  Do I have to have a baby shower?
A:  Not if you change the baby’s nappy very quickly.

Q:  Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A:  When the kids are in university.