Archive of BMW Motorrad Club Cape (2006 - 2019)

Warning: The content of these jokes may be offensive to some readers. They could contain sexist, political or religious innuendos. Please be advised that there may be content of an adult nature from time to time and would appreciate you seeing it for what they are... just jokes. All effort is made to keep them as clean as possible.
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For Blokes Sixty Years of Age

I was talking  to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, “If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you’d look all right.”
I said, “If I did that, I’d be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”
 
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I was telling a  girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.  
“Really” she  said, “Go on then...try.”  
After about  thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, “Come on, what day was I born?”  
I said, “Yesterday.”
 
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I got caught  taking a piddle in the local swimming pool today.   
The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
 
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I went to the  pub last night and saw an obese chick dancing on a table. I said, “Great legs.”  
She giggled and said with a smile, “Do you really think so?”  
I said, “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now.”