Archive of BMW Motorrad Club Cape (2006 - 2019)

Warning: The content of these jokes may be offensive to some readers. They could contain sexist, political or religious innuendos. Please be advised that there may be content of an adult nature from time to time and would appreciate you seeing it for what they are... just jokes. All effort is made to keep them as clean as possible.
If you feel you may be offended please exit this page immediately.

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Thoughts

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
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Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.
We haven’t met yet!
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I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
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Old age is coming at a really bad time!
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Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!
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If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
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The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please.
I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes”.
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I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me!
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I’m going to retire and live off of my savings.
Not sure what I’ll do that second week.
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Even duct tape can’t fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!
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Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
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Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
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Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
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At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.