Archive of BMW Motorrad Club Cape (2006 - 2019)

Warning: The content of these jokes may be offensive to some readers. They could contain sexist, political or religious innuendos. Please be advised that there may be content of an adult nature from time to time and would appreciate you seeing it for what they are... just jokes. All effort is made to keep them as clean as possible.
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Blonde in church

An  Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.”
 
No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?

Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all was quiet.
 
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew.
Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, “Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.

I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”
 
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
 
Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.

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Boere Computer Dictionary
 
Monitor   -   Keeping an eye on the braai
Download   -   Get the firewood off the bakkie
Hard drive   -   Trip back home without any cold beer
Keyboard   -   Where you hang the bakkie and bike keys
Window   -   What you shut when it’s cold
Screen   -   What you shut in the mosquito season
Byte   -   What mosquitoes do
Bit   -   What mosquitoes did
Mega Byte   -   What mosquitoes at the dam do
Chip   -   A bar snack
Micro Chip   -   What’s left in the bag after you have eaten the chips
Modem   -   What you did to the lawns
Dot Matrix   -   Oom Jan Matrix’s wife (classic!)
Laptop   -   Where the cat sleeps
Software   -   Plastic knives and forks you get at KFC
Hardware   -   Real stainless steel knives and forks from Checkers
Mouse   -   What eats the grain in the shed
Mouse Pad   -   Where the mouse takes the grain it does not eat
Mainframe   -   What holds the shed up
Web   -   What spiders make
Web Site   -   The shed (or under the verandah)
Cursor   -   The old bloke what swears a lot
Search Engine   -   What you do when the bakkie won’t go
Yahoo   -   What you say when the bakkie does go
Upgrade   -   A steep hill
Server   -   The person at the pub that brings out the lunch
Mail Server   -   The bloke at the pub that brings out the lunch
User   -   The neighbour that keeps borrowing things
Network   -   When you have to repair your fishing net
Internet   -   Complicated fish net repair method
Netscape   -   When fish maneuvers out of reach of net
Online   -   When you get the laundry hung out
Off Line   -   When the pegs don’t hold the washing up