Archive of BMW Motorrad Club Cape (2006 - 2019)

Warning: The content of these jokes may be offensive to some readers. They could contain sexist, political or religious innuendos. Please be advised that there may be content of an adult nature from time to time and would appreciate you seeing it for what they are... just jokes. All effort is made to keep them as clean as possible.
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An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband, a man of few words, was more of a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out and met a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.”

The husband texted back to her:

“I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”

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A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore, she kept staring at him.
 
She finally overtook him at the checkout and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”

He answered, “That’s okay.”

“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out ‘Goodbye, Mom’ as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.”

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mom.”

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his groceries..

“That comes to $121.85,” said the clerk.

“How come so much? I only bought 5 items.”

The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said you’d be paying for her things, too.”